What is the ultimate goal of self-defence? It seems like a no-brainer, but it’s a question I ask in classes, and I’m often surprised at the answers people give. What’s interesting is that there’s usually a focus on the ‘exciting’ part, the physical aspect, and this leads to answers such as:
To be able to defend yourself in a fight
To be able to incapacitate an attacker
To stop someone hurting you
All of which, to me, are missing the point. The ultimate aim of self defence is to Get Home Safe. Not to beat someone in a fight, not to save your possessions, certainly not to maintain your pride. I don’t mean to run straight home, I mean that at the end of the day, you’re able to return home safe and unharmed.
False goals
I was once leading a discussion in a school on impromptu weapons that could be used in a confrontation, and we were discussing the rucksack. I pointed out that in a pinch, a rucksack can be swung at an attacker, held between you as a makeshift barrier, discarded as you run away as a trip hazard or even a distraction should robbery be the motivation of the attack. One of the participants replied, in all innocence, ‘But my bag’s got my laptop in!’
Something to drum into your children and to accept yourself, is that no possession of yours or theirs is worth putting yourself at risk for. If you are being mugged and the sole motivation is to take your phone/wallet/laptop, in all likelihood handing it over will end the interaction, and we must not forget that this is the first and only goal. It’s surprising how many (particularly younger) school children say to me ‘My mum would kill me if I lost my phone!’, and I think it’s important to make them understand that no, she wouldn’t, especially if it was a choice between that and having you come to harm.
Should you fight?
On the other hand, let’s imagine that you can fight. Perhaps you train in a martial art, maybe you boxed when you were younger, perhaps you play a physical sport like rugby. Maybe you’re quite simply bigger than the person or people threatening you. Someone comes up to you on the street and demands you hand over your possessions. Wouldn’t it be a good idea to fight them off rather than surrendering your phone?
But really there’s only one outcome that favours you, to win the fight unharmed and untracked. Getting beaten up is obviously bad, but so is winning the fight and getting injured in the process. Winning the fight and having the police knock on your door the next day. Winning the fight and having your opponent and his friends recognise you on the street two nights later. None of those seem good to me.
And what are the stakes? Your phone, worth let’s say a few hundred pounds, your wallet with cards that you can cancel, maybe a bit of cash, some jewellery? Generously assuming £1,000 all in, that’s our stake, that and pride. So to look at it another way, if someone came up to you offering a deal of £1,000 or less to avoid a costly legal battle or a minor stabbing, it would be a fairly easy decision to make right? As opposed to betting your health and security at heavy odds against?
APG vs AP/C
Of course there are other scenarios where you might have to use self-defence, but broadly speaking they fall into two categories of motivation; acquisition for personal gain (APG), and achieving power/control (AP/C). The first category we’ve covered. This can be treated as the gamble described above, essentially placed on the footing of a business transaction - your money for your life. Easy answer.
The second category covers a wide range of things, often more personally targeted, such as bullying, stalking, sexual harassment, racial harassment, etc. It’s worth noting that the stacked odds above still apply, and therefore if there’s any possibility of avoiding a physical altercation, it should be taken, but realistically the choice may not be yours. In an APG motivated attack, it can be resolved by giving the attacker what they want, but too often in an AP/C motivated attack, what they want is violence. This is where it’s important to remember the goal - to Get Home Safe. A fight on the street is very different from a sporting contest; there’s no referee, no rules, and an unpredictable environment. Your aim isn’t to win the fight, it’s to Get Home Safe. The landscape of the confrontation can change in an instant, even if you’re winning. If your opponent is under threat, what’s to stop them from picking up a rock and whacking you with it? Or a friend of theirs to suddenly hit you from behind? Or you to step off the pavement without realising and roll your ankle? Or get hit by a car? If you’re forced into a fight, defend yourself by all means, but always be looking for that moment where you can break and run.
Conclusion
The world is unpredictable, and often dangerous. You can’t plan for everything, but equally you can’t live your life in a bubble. There are many things you can do, which I’ll talk more about elsewhere, but whatever the situation, keep in mind the guiding principle. You are aiming to Get Home Safe, by any means and above all else.